Sometimes I think a mixture of songs could explain my life more than I could ever put down on paper. Trying to put emotion into words is sometimes not possible. I will try, even if it’s a huge fail; at least I can say I did it.
Some might say I am an inspiration; some might say strong, others might say weak or even other choice words. I like to think I am beautiful and independent. Life has given me many challenges, but it has also given me many joys and much happiness.
I have been abused, broken, threatened, dumped, used and mistreated. I also have been enlightened, inspired, picked up and dusted off, healed, loved, forgiven, and glued back together. Sometimes all you need is a good brownie and a good read about what’s going on in a 3rd world country to bring you back to reality, helping you realize that even though your living in a 30’ x 30’ room with your son who is only 3 months old, on a military base, life isn’t so bad after all. It also makes you realize that you have so many options and so many people who care about you and are willing to help. People who believe in you and believe in the strength and goodness you have in you.
I know sometimes it’s so hard to see when you’ve been hurt by people who are the closest to you; how hard it is when a person who tells you that they’ll be there, isn’t. I know some days it’s hard to look in the mirror in the morning and see beauty, because sometimes you only see all the derogatory words people have called you or the heart wrenching pain you have felt. Well take a second look, make those words and feeling go away, and now what do you see? I see beauty, love, patience, kindness, and goodness. I see a person who is strong because they are still standing here today. I see a person who, despite it all, has accomplished so much more then what they thought they were capable of. I see a person in their own small way changing the world. Proving that even though you’re a single mom, you CAN get an associate’s degree, you CAN get into a great school that is highly accredited, you CAN prove to everyone who ever has doubted you what you’re really capable of, and you CAN rise above the noise and feel peace.
I am not saying it is easy by any means. It is very hard work, but how bad do you want it? How bad do you want peace, and happiness? How bad do you want to prove to everyone who ever doubted you that you’re worth so much more than what they say? For me it is a battle, I struggle some days with feeling worthless and ugly, but after I have taken those nasty thoughts and thrown them out, I know I am worth it. I know this because I look at my son and to him I am perfect, and to a higher power I am perfect. Amidst the struggle, I have kept positive and I have raised a beautiful, intelligent, and amazing little boy. I think I had to find a higher ground and find my true strength, so I could be the type of mom I needed to be for my son and myself. I do have to say he is my inspiration. In the end I am thankful for what I have been through, because otherwise I would not know how strong and driven I am.
So I say to you, the person who is reading this, thinking there is no possible way for you to overcome what you’re dealing with or feeling, how bad do you want to overcome that trial? How bad do you want to overcome that feeling? It is possible, if you can only start believing in yourself.
Jennae Simmons -- Contributor